‘That orgasm problem’, zoophilia, sex positivity, the meaning of public relationship announcements…
Interesting things online, because they’re recent or because I think they deserve another outing.
PLEASE NOTE: As always, me linking to something doesn’t mean I endorse every word of it, or everything in the publication it came from. There may be obvious content warnings and some may be a bit unsafe for work.
I’m a therapist and keep this poster in my waiting room, apparently it’s saved a few lives (9gag)
I’ve put this one up before elsewhere, but it’s so powerful I’m going to link to it again.
”A cry for help’ makes it sound like I’m supposed to take pity on you. But you don’t need my pity. This isn’t pathetic. This is the will to survive.’
Black and dangerous? Patient experiences of mental health services in London (Lacuna)
Long and very thorough investigation of the inequalities in mental health care in the UK, focusing on the black community, with a number of personal stories.
‘There are few mentions of race in the current government’s mental health strategy documents. Instead it has been submerged under the general heading ‘equalities’. Within the black community, there are wide variations of experience and concern including high rates of self-harm among Asian women and high occurrences of African Caribbean men sectioned by the police. Lumping all such variances together under the general heading ‘equalities’ increases the risk of mental health providers ignoring them. It is much cheaper to focus on meeting a general equalities duty, than commission work to investigate and improve services for specific groups. People are marginalised in different ways and each group, whether gender, class or race, needs tailored support.’
10 things you should never say to someone with bipolar disorder (Guardian)
Important list of unwelcome queries. I think every mental illness needs a list like this, and many of the questions could apply to other conditions. Actually, and physical illnesses too. And disabilities. And addictions. And being pregnant. And – it’s worth reflecting on why people feel a need to ask such personal questions of someone they have just met, about aspects of them that they have little or no control over.
‘Oh yeah, I’m a bit like that
I’ve had plenty of people say this to me after finding out that I have bipolar disorder. It’s meant kindly, as a means of finding common ground. Except often it comes across like Russia battering a flag into a bit of the Arctic she doesn’t own.’
RELATIONSHIPS / GENDER AND SEXUAL DIVERSITIES
Women and that ‘orgasm’ problem (Cyndi Darnell)
Great post by Cyndi Darnell that I put on my Facebook page, but I’ll link to it here because it makes such an important point. One day, we will find ways to have a less goal-driven approach to sex.
‘One thing I do know for sure is that when I ask women who don’t have orgasms why they want to, they very, very rarely if ever say it’s because they want pleasure. This may come as a surprise to many of you. Remember, I am in the very privileged position of hearing people’s deepest, most intimate erotic secrets day in and day out. For many women, genuine pleasure is rarely even on their radar. More than anything, their reasons are because they want to feel normal or because they feel they are missing out, or because everyone else is having them (apparently), or their partner expects it of them – all of which are answers motivated by fear and shame rather than pleasure.’
And here we are again, back at my post from the other day, about wanting to be normal.
Don’t be a sex-positive jerk (this ain’t livin)
Expecting everyone to be sexual and all in the same way can be very excluding and unhelpful. Coercive positivity is a theme I will be returning to more than once in this blog.
‘The brand of sex-positivity that continues to insist that sex is a unilateral good (except, of course, for rape), is not viewing the nuance and complexity of human sexuality, something rather surprising considering it comes from a movement that claims to be concerned with the rich array of, well, human sexuality.’
Getting laid isn’t the answer to ableism (Everyday Feminism)
Long first-person piece unpacking the infantilisation and presumed asexuality of disabled people.
‘Even sympathetic friends have repeatedly made it clear that how far I go in any relationship depends on the compassion and open-mindedness of the other person, as if my sexuality is grotesque to the point where only bleeding heart saints would dare tolerate it – and I would be forever indebted to them for doing so.’
What it’s like to date a horse (nymag)
Challenging and thought-provoking interview with a self-confessed zoophile about his life-long sexual relationships with horses. Many issues come up here, about consent, and about ownership. Many people actually think about human/human relationships the same way.
‘Did you date at all?
I did ask a girl to the prom. Now that I look back, I feel so sorry for her. We sat at the table and didn’t dance. I don’t even think we hugged. As much as I later experimented with people, I was always sure I wanted horses. It was never a case of “I’m just giving this a try to see if I would prefer humans.” ‘
Can You Tell That I’m in a Relationship? Attachment and Relationship Visibility on Facebook (Sage Journals)
Academic study looking at the way we portray our relationships online. One outcome is that the more insecure a person feels about their relationship, depending on their attachment style, the more likely they are to advertise the relationship publicly. Anecdotally, I can’t help noticing how quickly some people announce new relationships online, only to have them founder within weeks. In the old days, it used to be called ‘The Curse of Hello.‘ (Scroll down for the explanation, about the apparent jinx on celebrity couples appearing in Hello magazine. (Irish Independent))